If you’re currently deeply distressed by being unjustly estranged from your child, you are in the right place. There’s an entire group of parents who have experienced the loss of a child due to various reasons, but you’re here, alive and willing to rebuild that connection. Fortunately, re-establishing a relationship with your child is possible. Here’s your roadmap to making it happen.

Invest in Inner Work

The concept of inner work can be a bit nebulous, so let’s clarify. Do whatever it takes to heal – heal from your own childhood trauma, recover from adult heartache, and find solace from the agony of being separated from your child. Yes, it’s painful, but no, it doesn’t have to continue to control your life. An unhealthy state of mind might be keeping your child at arm’s length. Healing yourself will allow you to become that safe haven your child needs.

Cultivate a Growth Mindset

Opening up to growth and change can be akin to having a superpower. When you’re willing to learn, adapt, accept feedback, and take responsibility for what hasn’t worked, you become a force to be reckoned with. If reuniting with your child is your goal, this mindset is invaluable. Keep your focus on the end goal and remain determined to mend the relationship.

Embrace Responsibility

Accepting responsibility, to some extent, can be a bitter pill to swallow. There’s hardly ever a situation where you bear no responsibility at all. This isn’t about blaming yourself; it’s about recognizing the kernels of truth and acknowledging that you chose to have children with the person who’s causing the alienation. You don’t need to write a lengthy apology, but if the topic arises in conversation, be willing to take responsibility where it’s warranted, and never where it’s not.

Release Resentment: A Tough but Essential Step

Letting go of resentment can be one of the most challenging tasks, but it’s crucial. Negative feelings towards your co-parent and your child can be like poison, slowly consuming everything in their wake. Often, these resentful emotions spill over onto your child, affecting your relationship. Some parents might start recounting the other parent’s perceived alienating behaviors, unintentionally repeating the same pattern. This negatively impacts your relationship with your child. While it’s natural to feel upset with the other parent, use that emotion as motivation to become a better, more positive parent.

Consistently Show Up for Your Child

No matter how your child responds or doesn’t respond, keep reaching out. Adjust your approach if necessary, but don’t give up. Even if your child reacts with hostility, continue demonstrating unconditional love. Make it about them, not you. The last thing you want is for your already hurt child to solidify the belief that you’re not there for them. If they don’t think you care, they won’t miraculously come around someday. Most alienated children who claim they don’t want to hear from their parent later accuse them of not loving or showing up enough, causing additional pain. So, keep showing up!

By following these five tips, you’ll be on the path to reconnecting with your child. When you make these shifts, your children will sense the change in your energy, paving the way for a brighter future together.

References:

says:, S.D. (2023) Attracting your own child back, Conscious Co-Parenting Institute. Available at: https://www.consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/attracting-your-own-child-back/ (Accessed: 12 September 2023).